Wheel of Death

Ever since the election, I've been running on fumes. School and work and the rest of life are taking their toll, and I'm starting to feel burnt out, irritable, and kind of crazy. The election was a mind-fuck, so bittersweet. Obama's amazing landslide win was dampened by the passage of Prop 8, to make gay marriage illegal. Who are these people that voted yes? I went to the Castro election night with my friend Kristy to celebrate, and while most folks were laughing, dancing, drinking, happy, there was a somberness in the crowd. It's an issue of civil rights - it's not simply a gay movement. It's a human movement. It's depressing to be reminded that there are people in the state of California, MORE PEOPLE, that believe that two men or two women cannot love each other, or that they shouldn't be given the exact same human rights as everybody else. Over half of California feels this way. I'm appalled, disgusted, and feeling pretty helpless. If California will do this, the state that apparently is a leader in progressive movements (although I don't know where this notion came from - we elected the Governator for chrissake's), where should I go? Is there a utopia anywhere?

I'm also in the middle of looking for a roommate, which has been an interesting process so far. I'm stuck between a tranny boy who works long hours, and is really sweet and nerdy, a young techie who could fix my computer but who (or so I've been told) eats a bunch of fast food, and a sweet and very quiet young man who is in school and working full time. Don't know who to choose. I had all of them over this past weekend to meet up and show the place off, and if I could have all three of them live with me I would. I've never lived with a boy before, so I'm leaning toward one of them. I wish someone else would make this decision for me. My brain hurts and I'm tired.

Lately I've been feeling like a hamster running in a wheel. I'm going and going at breakneck speed, not getting anywhere, and to slow down only means getting hurled around the wheel for a bit then spit out. I need some time off. I need to finish school. I'm afraid that if I take time off after graduating, I'll never want to go back. But would that really be so bad?