Grand Imperfection

Christmas came and went, but THE HOLIDAYS are far from over. We still got New Years Eve to "look forward" to. Resolutions made under the influence; promises that won't be kept. I refuse to associate myself with this bullshit. Why can't every day be worthy of personal resolve? Why do we allow only one night to better ourselves? I'm sure everyone that knows me is aware that self-improvement is a passion of mine. (Chuckle). I'm making a Day Off Resolution: I have nothing to do today but clean my apartment, go see the new Wes Anderson movie, and then have free dinner at a downtown yuppie restaurant. Life is grand today, and I resolve to let nothing piss me off. Amen. Year long goals never work because the year is just too damn long. Only that kid who plays chess really well could remember by June (January 3rd) that he had promised to quit smoking/start painting/work less/blah blah blah. We are not real on New Years Eve. Life is not real on New Years Eve. We turn into children flabbergasted by exploding colors in the sky, and life's sweet sweet nectar (i.e. Royal Gate Vodka) and thankful, thankful, so fucking thankful, that we are being granted a second chance, when the presence of that second chance exists solely in our heads. Humans be creative motherfuckers. Self-dilluding. Cynical 364 days of the year. And then what? New Years Day, we all wake up, hungover, next to some strange asshole, in some strange bed, and we see that nothing can change that fucken quick. And the high is over. A Land of Cynics Once Again Are We. We snap out of childhood, have a Bloody Mary, smoke a cigarette/forget to paint/Get Back to Work, and live this crap all over again. We wait till next year to really make those changes, cuz we'll be stronger by then, we're sure of it. I am proud to say that there is nothing in me that I need to change in the coming week. I smoke alot. So fuck you. I don't paint, probably never will. Cuz I can't draw. Oh well. My entire life is geared - fueled towards working less. It is a constant goal. I am happy. I am content with my small goals, and on this day off, I refuse to remind myself one more fucking time of all the shit that Needs To Change. I will change nothing, especially on the day that such promises to change are expected, required of me. I will be grand imperfection in the land of the flawed undercover.

"The years go fast, and the days go so slow" Modest Mouse